Arabic: Langauge, Coffee, and Culture

I dropped my daughter off at school at 07:30, ninety minutes before my Arabic class was scheduled to start. I say, “scheduled to start” because we have yet to start on time, or even close to time. Never mind, we usually go over at the end, so I guess I’m getting all I paid for.

I enjoy wandering around the Old City for lots of reasons, but one of them is that I get a chance to use my Arabic as I’m gaining it, little by little.

This time, I was in the Old City earlier than usual and found myself in the company of a friendly man. I told him that I was studying Arabic and he was all too happy to speak (much too fast) to me in Arabic.

The conversation started fairly normally: “Where are you from?” he asked. “Jebal Abu Gneim,” I said, offering the Arabic name of my “settlement.” In my thinking, that’s a little olive branch toward those who might be offended that I live in an area that is considered by many to be stolen land. We were both surprised to discover that we are neighbors: he from Um Tuba, I from Har Homa (Jebal Abu Gneim). Two villages sitting next to each other, one Arab, the other Jewish. One considered native, the other considered a settlement. However, he didn’t seem worked up about where I live. In fact, he was impressed that I know of his village, Um Tuba.

After about 90 seconds of nothing about where we both live, he wanted to know where I’m really from. So, I told him Texas. “Oh, Bush!!!” he gushed. Then, he went into a long discourse, mixing Arabic, Hebrew, and English, according to his assessment of what I was understanding. “Bush has a gold brain, but a black heart” he said with conviction and the assumption that I would understand what that meant. I didn’t. And I just stared back at him with what I thought was the “I have no idea what that means” look. (Unfortunately, it wasn’t until AFTER our conversation that I asked how to say, “I don’t understand” in Arabic.)

I did have an idea that my new friend wasn’t being complementary about President Bush, but I wasn’t certain how badly he thought of the former President. After a few moments of dead time gazing at each other, he said it again, but with less Arabic and more – can I say this? – Hebrew. In this part of the Old City, most men seem to be able to speak Hebrew, but they want to do it in whispers, so that others don’t hear them. I’m totally fine if they speak to me in English, but they tell me (in a whisper, of course) that they are more confident in their Hebrew than their English.

Anyway, he began to use the story of Cain and Abel from the Quran to explain what he meant. Because I didn’t catch “Cain and Abel” in Arabic, he offered them to me in Hebrew, so it took him longer than he had hoped it would to get me on track. “Cain who killed his brother Abel,” he clarified, “also had a gold brain and black heart.” And with that, his assessment of President Bush was finished.

I’m not sure if he felt the freedom to share his assessment of President Bush because we are neighbors, or because I’m learning his language, or simply because I was willing to listen.

I suppose it is open to a variety of interpretations as to exactly what he meant. But, I didn’t pursue it because long ago, I stopped being defensive of the President of the United States, whoever may be President. I don’t see much, if any value in going down that road. I do want to understand better what people mean, and find that Arab men that are older than me often use word pictures that they think will clearly communicate to me, but actually only puzzle me.

After the “gold and black” thing, he insisted we have coffee. Now, I don’t drink coffee. Let me say that again, but more clearly: I DON’T DRINK COFFEE. More than once, I’ve explained to people, “I’m not being modest by saying no; I REALLY don’t like coffee. I don’t like the taste, and it usually burns my tongue.” Well, no matter: out came the thick coffee in the thimble size cups. I went ahead and accepted it since I didn’t really have a choice at that point. I held it for a moment and then took the smallest micro-sip possible, valiantly fought off the natural reaction toward severe bitter tastes, and swallowed the unbelievably rancid brew. After that, I just held the cup in my hand with NO intention whatsoever that it would come near my mouth again. He was happy to see that I enjoyed his coffee, which is to say that I must have had better control of my facial gestures than I thought possible. 

He needed to get going, so he bid me a “mah-salami” (“see you later”), but didn’t get away before I had him write his name out for me. I hope to wander over to his village on a Saturday or Sunday to visit. But, I’ll make sure it is time for tea, not coffee.

It seems to me that there are three major currencies among Arab men: coffee, cigarettes, and politics. Unfortunately, I don’t care for any of the three. However, I’m hopeful that my Arabic studies combined with Arab hospitality will give me some good in-roads into this community.

The Arab Market

Over the years, I have noticed that in the Arab market in the Old City, no women work in any of the shops. It matters not what the shop offers for sale, no women work there. However, in the walkways – in front of the shops or other areas of the Old City – it is common to see women selling things from their gardens: grapes, grape leaves, olives, green almonds, etc.

Hello, God?

During Succot prayers, I noticed this father and son team. The son was praying in the more traditional way: prayer shawl in place, prayer book in front, and facing the Western Wall. The father, on the other hand, appeared to be phoning in his prayer.

Shouldn’t it have been the other way around? 

This Should Be Interesting

This is where I started an Arabic course, yesterday. I’m now learning Arabic for a number of reasons that I will likely share in more detail at some point in the future.
Anyhow, since Al Quds University is generally considered a core institution for sharing the Palestinian “reality” with the West, I expected to see and hear things from a different cultural, political and historical view. In one day, my expectations have been met, . . . and more.
This should be interesting in more ways than I can imagine.

Choosing Thomas

The Dallas Morning News has published a beautiful article Choosing Thomas, which details the heartbreaking and joy giving story of TK and Deidra Laux whose son Thomas was a victim of Trisomy 13.

As a parent who has walked this path, I want to complement the staff of The Dallas Morning News on a wonderful job of presenting this story, capturing the heartache and disappointment and fear that parents feel when faced with the terrible news: “There appear to be some serious problems.” The staff also did a wonderful job in capturing the surprising joy that a baby with “serious and fatal problems” brings to his/her parents and family and friends.

As I watched the video and read the accompanying article(s) and journal, I continually thought: This is our story. That’s what happened to us.

However, our story was different in that our Abigail Hope didn’t survive to birth; she was stillborn. Our story was also complicated by the fact that it took place in Israel, far away from our family and most of our life friends.

We were thankful that there were a few people here who hurt with us, but so many seemed to dismiss our situation as nothing too serious. Perhaps some just didn’t know what to say, which is common. But in many cases, it was simply a cultural callousness toward these types of things. At least one person assumed Abigail didn’t have a name yet, thus she didn’t have “person hood.” He was wrong on both counts. Others blindly followed the traditional Jewish thought that a life duration of more than thirty days establishes a human being as a viable person. If a child dies before that time, he is considered to not have lived at all.

The medical community offered no comfort either since they could only think of one thing to say: “TERMINATE NOW!” In fact, the country’s expert in 3-D ultrasound and genetic abnormalities was shocking in his callousness: In response to our question regarding the reasonable expectation of length of life for Abigail should she survive to full term, he said, “Not long, but I would hope she wouldn’t live one second! Her problems are too severe to want her to live. My advice is to terminate NOW!” Unfortunately, that wasn’t his only disaster in bed side manner, but I’m not interested to recount the others here.

“Terminate now,” was so foreign to our thoughts, the doctors all thought we had parachuted in from another galaxy. We insisted that we wouldn’t even consider killing Abigail, and the doctors looked at us in utter disbelief and disdain. Who were we to be so resistant to their advice? They were the experts; and they know the outcome of these situations. I knew our position was right, but it was nice to hear other parents in our situation agree with us – even three years later: Toward the end of the video report [in a voice over the funeral scenes] Deidre Laux clearly articulated our thoughts: “We didn’t not terminate because we were hanging onto some sort of hope there was a medical mistake or there was going to be some some sort of medical miracle. We didn’t terminate because he’s our son.” Because Abigail was our daughter! We loved her, broken body and all; how could we even consider breaking her body more?

Burial is another point at which our story and the Lauxes’ diverge. In Israel, most cemeteries are religiously segregated, which is to say that Abigail couldn’t be buried in a Jewish or Muslim cemetery, the most abundant cemeteries here. As it turned out, she wasn’t welcome to be buried in the evangelical Christian cemetery either, which is a story in itself.

This all happened so fast, and the hospital staff was pressing us for an answer regarding the disposition of the body. Dealing with death, especially that of our own child, in Israel was all new to us. We didn’t know to whom to turn. And it was late Thursday afternoon, which is to say that the Sabbath was quickly approaching and things would be shutting down for the weekend. We made a few phone calls, only to reach dead ends or endless stalling, which we understood to be a no without actually saying, “no.” Meanwhile, the hospital was pressing for an answer.

Finally, we decided to use the service of the Jewish burial society, who gathers the bodies of all children under the age of 30 days and buries them in an unmarked grave. I guess to their credit, even though they don’t consider the children to have genuine person hood, at least they give them a somewhat proper burial.

I recommend this video report to you. If you aren’t familiar with the emotions and thoughts and struggles that take place when parents are told, “there are some problems,” this report will give you some insight.

If you are struggling with the issue of termination, please watch the video – to the end.

In our days on this road, we leaned heavily on each other, but more heavily upon the Lord: “Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper! (Psalm 30:10)” He was, and continues to be.